Transformers: Age of Extinction Movie Review

Michael Bay, please stop making these movies.

Transformers: Age of Extinction is directed by the one and only Michael Bay and has replaced fidgety Shia Labeouf with Mark Wahlberg and is now the fourth movie which Bay has directed in this franchise which seems to make billions and billions of dollars despite lacking any real substance and good quality filmmaking. Instead of just giving a plot synopsis I will just say this: It's exactly the same movie as the first 3. Nothing has changed in terms of quality, plot structure or direction. If you couldn't already tell I hated this movie.

But I did like Wahlberg in the film. I have to be honest that after 3 movies of that fidgety bastard Sam Witwicky who attracted women way out of his league was becoming a little stale and a incredibly boring. Plus thank god his parents are gone! With Wahlberg we at least get a relatable protagonist who is genuinely likeable and can actually get his hands dirty and do stuff. Although when I say do stuff I don't mean find and shoot an alien gun which he should never ever find because it's physically too big for any Transformer to use in the first place. That's it in terms of positivity unfortunately.

Transformers: Age of Extinction is the same bloated, stupidly long Michael Bay orgasm which the first three were. I'll start with the plot. The plot is stupidly complicated and so self absorbed and it again sees our dumb human characters and our uninteresting Transformers characters fight over the possession of another Mcguffin, this time it is something called the Seed which can apparently wipe out human life or some bullshit, I don't really care to be honest. Its incredibly dumb and the plot paces itself out poorly and sees it go on and on and on. It is too long for its own good. Make a long movie if you have genuine substance, not just a load of hollow characters and CGI bullshit!

Apart from Wahlberg the acting in the movie is laughable at times. His daughter, played by Nicola Peltz isn't diabolical but she is incredibly hard to take seriously when she is just a stereotypical "Michael Bay chick" with long blonde hair, pink lips and unbelievably perfect make up. Her boyfriend on the other hand puts in a performance just as bad the lead from Legend of Hercules. And it isn't just the acting that's bad its the fact that the characters have nothing to them. The boyfriend simply surrenders every time somebody does as much as move! The human "villains" played by Kelsey Grammar and Stanley Tucci are just plain stupid. Their plans don't make any sense! I was watching them thinking surely you would have realised that would happen, wouldn't you?

And of course I have to talk about the Michael Bay humour that nobody on the planet (apart from him) understands. The humour is cringe worthy and terrible. And ever present, it just never ever stops. Poor old Stanley Tucci is forced to regurgitate it throughout but he isn't the worst character who is subject to this. That would be TJ Miller's character. Oh my god, I wanted to f***ing shoot him in the face he was so annoying/awful/unfunny. Michael Bay: Nobody understands your humour and we don't give 2 sh*ts about it so please stop!

Finally the directing from Michael Bay sees the exact same Michael Bay style we have come to expect from his films. It has the stupid humour, the goofy military dialogue which is beyond terrible, saturated and overly processed colours, shots of people running away from Transformers in slow motion and angled shots of people climbing out of cars. It also has the incomprehensible action of 2 Transformers fighting whilst the camera pans around them meaning we can't actually see what is going on. The CGI in this movie looks like garbage and the action goes on for way too long. After hours and hours of  watching things blow up you'd be surprised just how numb you get.

And there's another thing: Why do Michael Bay explosions have fireworks coming out of the side? Is there really any need?

I can only assume you want to watch the movie to see the Dinobtots. I wouldn't bother. They're in it for like 10 minutes and hardly do anything!

Transformers: Age of Extinction is exactly the same as it's 3 predecessors and offers nothing new or refreshing. The acting is questionable, the length is too long, the characters are hollow, the action dumb and incomprehensible and is just a big, bloated CGI mess with no entertainment value. I hated this movie:


Rating - D-


1 sentence summary - A Michael Bay wet dream, something I never want to see again in my life!


Question: If you've seen the movie, what is your favourite Transformer in it? Mine was probably Lockdown, as he had something remotely interesting about him compared to the same old same old crap we get with the Autobots and Decepticons.

Thanks for reading,
Matt