Oh wow.
The Legend of Hercules is directed by Renny Harlin, the man behind Die Hard 2, and stars Kellan Lutz in the title role of Hercules. The story follows the son of Zeus from his exile into slavery all the way to his return, where he must take back his homeland from a corrupt King.
This is one of the worst movies I have seen in my life. It really is going to take a film that's either horrendous or incredibly aggravating to replace this one for worst of the entire year. Only a month in and my first 2014 release review and I'm already saying things like this!
The acting is horrendous. Kellan Lutz proves that anybody to come out of that stupid Twilight saga can't act to save their lives. Every word the man says is excruciating to listen to and his wooden performance of an iconic character is lazy and unforgiveable. Mind you, he couldn't really offer much with a script that is so emotionally all over the place and at times, hysterically bad!
Hercules' brother is the most blatant attempt at creating a "Loki" like character. Mind you Loki is fun to watch, this guy isn't. The only purpose this character poses is to act sneaky and slimy throughout the entire movie and after laughing at how terrible it was for about 10 minutes, it started to numb me and make me angry.
The actor who plays his father is guilty of the worst over-actor in history, plus wears the worst fake beard in movie history. He would literally yell every single fucking word he said, like every single word! The entire cast is guilty of this as well. Normal people would just be sat there having a normal conversation but the characters in this mess decide that shouting at everything and injecting in a load of forced testosterone is the way to go!
The movie does do well at doing what its trying to be, terrible. The script is ludicrous, the plot fast-paced in a bad way and it narratively makes no sense, the romance in the movie is portrayed so poorly to the point where I started laughing my ass off. That's what I did for the first half an hour, laugh. However, that didn't make up for the slow and painful torture I had to bear for the 60 minutes after that.
If the actors didn't already look like a load of idiot models and porn stars overacting to the point where it's unbearable to watch, they look like idiots as well! The clothes they wore look like towels, the special effects are terrible and the green screen looks like a 1960s "made for TV movie". Its among the worst I have ever seen.
Its also horrible to watch because its trying so hard to be like Gladiator and 300. It isn't remotely like those two films. It tries to trick itself into thinking its cool and stylistic with painful use of slow motion during every single fight scene. That got on my nerves after the first 2 minutes, and trust me when I say that it never stops. It made the movie feel 5 hours long, and it was only on for about 90 minutes!
The Legend of Hercules is just a bunch of models and porn stars grunting at each other in a movie which is a sloppy mess in every single way imaginable. I hate this movie:
Rating - F
1 sentence summary - As dull as it is laughably bad, this is one of the worst movies in recent years!
Wow. Just wow.
Thanks for reading,
Matt
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