Ah, the time of year where I get to look back at the most disappointing, frustrating and infuriating movies of the year. This year I decided not to go out of my way to watch awful movies like I did last year. Every movie I went into this year I did with a fresh sense of optimism, wanting to enjoy it. So you won't be finding movies like Fifty Shades of Grey on this list. However, there were times where I left the theatre bitterly disappointed at the experience I received coming out of films I had reasonably high hopes for.
Unlike last year, there are only enough spaces on this list for 5 movies. So congratulations The Last Witch Hunter and Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse, you miss out this time. You're both still terrible though.
Without further delay, let's start the list with number 5:
#5 Pixels
What is probably one of the greatest premises in cinematic history clearly fell into the wrong hands and was one of the most annoyingly frustrating films of the year. The idea that aliens in the form of video games attack the earth is a truly genius idea, but turning it into a clichéd Adam Sandler comedy was a huge mistake. Pixels is a film which doesn't know what its audience is; the entire gimmick of the film is supposed to attract 1980s retro gamers (so people in their late 30s/early 40s) yet has humour plaguing it which only juvenile 11 year olds will appreciate. The film lost me when Adam Sandler and Michelle Monaghan became a couple, but having Kevin James as the President of the United States was just a stretch to far for me.
#4 Jupiter Ascending
What a shame that an attempt at creating an original science fiction story is on this list... well not really if the attempt was as atrocious as this. Science fiction and fantasy movies are supposed to immerse you into the universe quickly via an easy, accessible way for audiences to understand. From then on in, you begin to expand the universe you're creating. This is what The Lord of the Rings did, it's what Star Wars did as well. So why is it when you start Jupiter Ascending are you already incredibly confused at the messy lore the movie is trying to create? Because the screenplay sucks! And what makes this film even worse is the lead character played by Mila Kunis. In a year of strong female leads, Jupiter Jones has to be one of the saddest attempts at crafting a female character. All she does is stand around and wait for elf-eared, rocket-booted Channing Tatum to fly in and rescue her. She's unable to do anything for herself. And Eddie Redmayne's acting for the main villain... I don't even know what to say to that. Just see it for yourself. Actually, don't. You'd have to sit through this monstrosity.
#3 Terminator Genisys
While the third and fourth Terminator films were ultimately pieces of shit, at least they acknowledged the events of previous and higher quality films. Terminator Genisys doesn't even have the decency to do that, instead deciding to defecate all over the events of Terminator 1 and T2 Judgement Day. The plot is an over complicated mess and is a prime example of what can happen when an incompetent screenwriter attempts to explain time travel. The original Terminator films did it well, Terminator Genisys did not. T2 Judgement Day is one of my favourite action movies of all time. Why? Because the action sequences within it are epic, well-shot and ultimately memorable. Name me one action sequence in Genisys which compares to one in T2 Judgement Day. You can't, can you? That's why this movie failed and why I hate it.
#2 Jurassic World
Admittedly a lot of people really like this movie. Some people like it but acknowledge that it was not as good as it could have been. Me? I hate this abomination against theatre screens. Holding this film up to expectations I set for every film I walk into, Jurassic World didn't even come close to meeting them. For me, it's a film which is tonally all over the place, littered with awkward acting performances and a mix of drama and comedy which blended together like water and oil. Jurassic World was a soulless, adventureless, CGI splopfest which borrowed way too much from the original movie to the point where it was blatantly ripping it off. The original Jurassic Park film is so great because we get to experience these larger-than-life events through the eyes of interesting characters we love to watch on screen. In this movie, I wanted nearly every character to die. That's not good. And just when you think it can't get any worse, they shoe in Vincent D'Onofrio's character who wants to utilise velociraptors for military purposes. My brain.
#1 Fant4stic
I won't be able to say anything that hasn't already been said at Fox's fourth attempt at a live action Fantastic Four film. All I can say is this film is an abomination against super hero movies and is an actual disaster of a film. It is an unwelcome example of what can happen when the relationship between a director and the studio breaks down, and we all suffer as a consequence. I can't even begin to describe everything that's wrong with this film. But Fant4stic is, for me, a cinematic enigma. I think a more interesting movie to release would have been a documentary telling the story of this film's production and how badly things went wrong. We'll be looking back in 10 years time still contemplating just how atrocious this film turned out to be. Well done Fant4stic, you are my least favourite film of 2015. Now fuck off and die.
Thank goodness I never have to talk about these movies again. Agree with my choices? Awesome! Disagree? Even better! Let me know your least favourite movie of 2015 and we'll all have a nice discussion like mature film nerds.
Thanks for reading, and happy new year!
Matt
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